During the In-Between

Before I start this article, I want to tell you: this isn’t the story of how I got pregnant. It’s not the story of how my husband & I started our family. It’s the story of how I learned to fill the in-between space. My husband & I have been trying to get pregnant for over 5 years with no results. My life is generally an open book, but this isn’t something I talk about with a lot of people & I haven’t even posted about it on here. Why? Because I get tired of the looks. Of the sympathetic head tilt. Of the empty encouragement & suggested solutions. Not everyone is like this– some people really are sincere, but most people offer over-confident, unhelpful advice.

“When you stop trying, it will happen when you least expect it.”

“They told my aunt that she couldn’t have kids & now she has twin boys!”

“Have you tried taking herbal supplements or doing yoga?”

“Maybe it’s because you’re kind of overweight…”

“You’re just lucky you get to sleep at night & don’t have to wake up for 5 am feedings!”

etc. etc. etc.

I’ve heard it all. That’s why I don’t talk about it. Because most people respond without thinking. They don’t think that maybe we’ve tried every medication & test & scan known to man. They don’t realize that I’ve had 3 hysteroscopy procedures in the past 3 years. They just respond without thinking. And after their response they’re thinking “I feel bad for her– I’m so glad it’s her & not me.”

In November, my younger sister & her husband told us that they’re expecting a baby. We’re happy now, but when we first found out, it was devastating. They’ve only been trying to conceive for a few months & hardly had to even think about it. They’re 2 years younger than us & barely married. My sister has never even babysat or changed a diaper before, so she has about ZERO experience on how to raise a child. It just didn’t seem fair. I cried for days. I couldn’t understand why God was doing this & what He was testing or preparing me for. I still don’t understand… But I keep the faith. I build my house on His strong foundation & trust that His way is better (Matthew 7:24-27 ESV). Sometimes it feels like our lives are at an in-between. In between having a baby & not having one.

But during this in-between, my sister is going to have her first baby– my first niece! And she’s not at all prepared. She’s going to be smacked in the face with parenthood, & it might be ugly. During this in-between, God wants me to be there. He wants me to focus on helping my sister & just simply being there. And I’m so glad for this in-between so that I can be a big part of this little one’s family. I can’t wait to meet Little Amelia, pray for her, teach her how to hold a paintbrush, dress her up in tu-tus, & be her aunt. There’s a point to His in-betweens. And we are so very blessed by that, aren’t we?

<3 Elaine